Late Night Larceny
Submitted by Brett B on 4/7/2010 12:17 AM
COP: "Why don't you tell me again what happened."
ME: "Well, I was at the office late last night. I had just left a meeting where I'd casually mentioned that there was a Butterfinger at my desk calling my name. I found it waiting for me; I kicked back, opened it and took a loud, delicious bite. Just then, a janitor approached me and asked if I needed a ride home. It was either that or stay up all night at the office. I was tired - my defenses weakened and irrational, I reluctantly tucked my succulent snack back into my desk and acquiesced. This morning I rushed in, only to find it...gone!"
The Buttersitter
Submitted by Winnie W on 4/6/2010 7:12 PM
I was watching a movie with my kids,getting ready to unwrap my Butterfinger,when I saw a News Report about a rash of Butterfinger thefts in the neighborhood.Seconds later,the phone rang,and when I went to the other room to grab it,a voice said,"I know where it is." I laughed, hung up the phone and went back.My Butterfinger was gone!Just then, the phone rang again.I went to pick it up, and the same voice said,"I know where it is".I heard a big "CRUNCH" noise, and turned around to see Butterfinger crumbs on my 9-yr-old's shirt.That's when I realized-the thefts were coming from inside the house!
All's Fair in Love and Butterfinger
Submitted by Ian M on 4/6/2010 5:30 PM
I felt betrayed. We had been dating for months, and now I found out the dirty truth. I found out about all the lies she had told me, about how she had used me, about how all the time she played me for the fool. She was only dating me so she would have the opportunity to steal my Butterfinger bars. I found out one day while she was visiting at my house. If my cat hadn't pulled the bar out of her purse, I would never have known how I was being used. Don't let this happen to you. Make sure you are loved for who you are, and not for what your Butterfinger candy is.
EVIDENCE
Submitted by DANE K on 4/6/2010 3:59 PM
I WENT TO THE STORE AND PURCHSED MY BUTTERFINGER. MY FRIEND GOT PULLED OVER AND OUR CAR WAS SEARCHED. THE OFFICER DECIDED TO CONVISCATE MY BUTTERFINGER AS "EVIDENCE" HE SAID IT WOULD BE SENT TO THE LAB FOR ANALYSIS BUT ITS BEEN MONTHS. EVIDENTLY HE STOLE MY BUTTERFINGER!
Butterfinger Bar Thieves Anonymous
Submitted by Lydia S on 4/6/2010 2:57 PM
My name is Lydia, and I am a recovering BBTA(butterfinger bar thieves anonymous). Yeah, I have a problem. I have been to therapy, and support groups to help me with my addiction. Nothing seems to help though. I work at a grocery store, I see butterfingers everywhere! Oh the temptation! Every day I go into work, there is a mini butterfingers bar on the table. I can't resist! I yank it and run to the bathroom to enjoy the mini bite sized goodness in peace. Day after day, I find myself taking someones butterfingers bar, but I can't help it! The crispety cruchety peanutbuttery goodness.
Little Fingers
Submitted by Mignon H on 4/6/2010 11:16 AM
It started out like any other Sunday morning.Pancakes and bacon for breakfast and my afternoon snack was my Butterfinger Bar that was in my purse. My four year old nephew asked for a piece of bacon and my sister gave him the bacon. I turned around for 2 seconds and I said wow, he ate that bacon already.Next thing you know he was off to play.By mid afternoon I thought I could go for my Butterfinger candy bar.Reached into my purse and guess what I found? A piece of bacon and a missing Butterfinger candy bar!
cold case? I think not!
Submitted by james p on 4/6/2010 3:19 AM
When the weather gets warm, I keep my Butterfinger where it will be crisp and fresh. Til last week, the fridge was the perfect place! I placed my Butterfinger strategically in the butter keeper of my fridge. I was really ready to experience the pleasure of my Butterfinger and a cold glass of milk, but when I looked, it was gone! Say it ain't so! I tracked the culprit by the sound of Felix (my cat) who was purring loudly to try to coax a morsel of goodness. I turned the corner just in time to see the last bite go. Mom, when you visit,you know better than to lay a finger on my Butterfinger!
Patric James--3rd Eye
Submitted by PATRIC K on 4/2/2010 2:54 AM
I was sitting in my third floor office idly reading my name on the glass door; semaJ cirtaP. She walked in, asking for my assistance. She was a classy looking dame with a great set of gams and a head full of blond hair. I told her I would take the case and asked her when was the last time she had seen her Butterfinger. "Last night, under my pillow." "And when you woke up?" "My Butterfinger was gone," she sniffed. Hmm, I thought. An inside job. "It's going to be costly," I told her. "How much," she asked. "100 Butterfinger bars." After a moment she agreed. I'm on the case.
Butterfinger vs $20
Submitted by Bruce S on 4/2/2010 2:53 AM
I didn't realize it but one shirt pocket had my butterfinger sticking out of it and a $20 dollar bill sticking out of the other pocket. As I was going for a walk I saw a fella running towards me and he grabbed at my shirt pocket. Did he take the $20 or the butterfinger? Yep, took the butterfinger!
Pilfering Parents
Submitted by Pam C on 4/2/2010 2:53 AM
When I was young enough to trick-or-treat for Halloween, I always saved the best candy for last. Of course, that meant any Butterfinger bars I was lucky enough to receive. I wanted to save my treats, but I was tipped off by a sibling that our parents were known to sneak into our rooms at night & raid our treat bags! Could I outfox them? I hid my Butterfinger bars in my sock drawer, leaving the rest of the bag out. My ruse worked for a few days, but on one fateful day, my Butterfinger stash was reduced to 2 bars. My parents claimed innocence, but their breath smelled like peanut butter!